DEAR ABBY: The 22-year-old daughter of close friends of ours has been living in a van during the pandemic. Her parents, my husband and I heard her on her cellphone talking about a party where her friends were doing meth. No one reacted except me. I said, “That’s terrifying!” and she answered, “Right?”
I cannot stop worrying about this young woman, who I have watched grow since she was a baby. The red spots on her face, which I had assumed were from acne, now haunt me. What can I do?
I had offered her the use of our driveway, if needed, but I don’t want meth users here because I have two college-age sons, so now I regret even that. I feel since she broached the topic she was asking for help. Her mom let it completely slide. Help! — SICK WITH WORRY IN COLORADO
DEAR SICK: The baby you watched grow up is now an adult. If you think she was asking for help because she is addicted to methamphetamine, talk to her and offer to help her get it. IF she says she wants to move her van to your property, explain that as long as she is using and/or partying with contemporaries who do, the offer is off the table.
As to her parents who, from what you wrote, appear to be clueless, tell them you are alarmed and why, and urge them to go online and educate themselves about the symptoms of meth addiction, which include facial sores.
DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband. He is very outgoing, and I would like to think of myself as the same, but I work hard. He always makes plans for the weekends, but sometimes I just want to stay home, relax and get the house in order. The problem is, he insists we go and do something like day or overnight trips hours away every weekend. I encourage him to go visit our friends because I know I can trust him, and I need some alone time! Am I wrong for that? — PEACEFUL AND STILL
DEAR PEACEFUL: You are not wrong. You are as entitled to your feelings as your husband is to his. Things should not always have to be his way. The two of you need to work out a compromise. (Compromise is the secret ingredient in happy marriages.) If he feels the need to get away and it doesn’t bother you because you trust him, you should be entitled to time at home to get the place — and your head — straight.
DEAR ABBY: I am my husband’s second wife. His first wife died of cancer eight years ago. His late wife’s mother still calls him her son-in-law and introduces him as such. She also asks him to help her with things around the house, like getting mulch and remodeling the bath. She invites all of us over to holidays, but I can’t help but feel awkward. Am I overreacting? Shouldn’t she find someone else to help her now that bond is broken? — IN THE PRESENT IN INDIANA
DEAR IN THE PRESENT: If the bond were broken, your husband’s former mother-in-law would find someone else, and your husband would help her to do it. He may still feel like a member of that family. Please be smart and less defensive. The woman is making an effort to include you in her celebrations. Accept the gesture for what it is and be gracious.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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